Leave ‘Em Wanting More (or the Lost Art of Wooing)

Ah… single life in NYC. Strangely (or sadly) it’s a lot like you see on “Sex and the City” — except without the huge apartments and amazing shoes. Being single in the city means that there’s an opportunity for connection around every corner. Thus, even a trip to the grocery store or laundromat is pressure-laden, requiring clean clothes and sparkling wit. The result is that there are a lot of lonely people vying for the one last guy or gal who hasn’t been snatched up yet.

It occurred to me the other day, as I marveled at the industry contacts I’ve made in social settings… just how much building a promising career is like trying to find a promising relationship. Stay with me. The analogy will hold up, I promise. I mean, look at the paragraph above. Pull out the word “single” and insert actor, and we’re dealing with the same thing. So, I theorize that the success of both single-dom and an acting career hinge on this unspoken golden rule: Leave ‘em wanting more.

Don’t believe me? Think back to the last time you had a first date. On that first date, you don’t want to tell your whole life story. You don’t want to rehash past relationships or open up old wounds. You want to engage your listener and make them so enraptured that they can’t think of anyone but you. You want to leave ‘em wanting more so that they are inspired to call you again for that second date, and the third, and so on.

So, how do you do that in your meetings and auditions? How do you leave ‘em wanting more (and how does dating relate even in the slightest?)

1) Choose Your Objective
To start, you have to make sure you’re clear on the objective of the encounter. You might think that when you have that first meeting with an agent that the objective that day is to be signed. However, unless the agent is a one-person operation, getting signed that day will most likely be impossible. There are many hoops to jump through when signing — getting approved by other agents in their office, the perusal of your materials, seeing your work, etc. Therefore, the objective for this encounter should be (drum roll please…): To get to the next encounter! This means that for an initial agency meeting, your goal should be to get to the next meeting. At a first audition, your objective should be to get a callback. By keeping your eye on the step that’s right in front of you, rather than 5 steps ahead, you’ll have an easier time creating an experience that makes them want to see more.

2) Relax (aka Don’t Try So Hard)
So, if we agree that the best way to approach an encounter is to think only one step ahead, this should go a long way in helping you achieve step 2 — RELAX. You don’t have to win someone over completely in that first meeting. You simply have to wow them enough that they want to see you again. By relaxing, you allow the other person to relax too.

In my private coaching and courses I often use the first date analogy when talking about relaxing. This relates a lot to how much info to give and how much to hold back on. Imagine this: you’re on a first date, and your date asks, “So, tell me a little bit about yourself.” And you say:

“I’ve been dating since I was 16 years old (including 4 years of intense dating in college), so I really know what I’m doing in the dating world. In fact, I think you might say that I’m one of the best undiscovered daters in the city. I’m looking for a relationship that is passionate and thrilling, but also calm and steady. It also has to be romantic, but not too romantic. I don’t want to get tied down to one specific way of dating. I know I am going to be an amazing mom, and I think that right now I want to have 3 kids. No, wait 4 kids. No, wait, I mean 3 kids. Actually, it doesn’t matter because I know that I have what it takes, and if I can just find the right guy who can see me for “me” I’ll be able to start having kids right away. I am amazing at keeping my apartment clean, paying bills on time, and shopping. I’m an incredible cook. I don’t have much money right now, but I know I’ll be able to make tons more money in the future if I could just find a stable partner. All I want is to be a good wife and parent. I mean, is that so wrong?”

(crickets)

You cringe, but this is what actors do every day in agency/CD offices around the country. In an effort to show how much they WANT this, they spew up every last little detail about their desires and endless positive traits, and leave the agent/CD to clean up that verbal diarrhea.

“Well, I’ve been acting my whole life but I’ve never been able to find an agent. I’m really good at comedy and drama and want to be able to do TV and film and theater and musicals and commercials and print. Oh, and voiceover — my Aunt says I have a really good voice for radio…”

You see my point? Relax! If you wouldn’t do that on a first date, you really shouldn’t do it in a meeting or audition. I promise, if you think of the dating analogy you won’t have trouble censuring yourself. Just withhold… a little. Keep something of yourself close to the vest, while still remaining open. It’s difficult, but definitely a skill you should cultivate.

3) Take control and make it about them
The more you can take control over a meeting and make it about the other person, the better you’ll be about creating a mystique about yourself. Face it, we all have egos and like talking about ourselves, especially when someone is genuinely interested. It makes us want to be around that person more and more. So, take every opportunity to inquire about the other person. What makes them so right for you, anyway? If you think of your meetings and auditions as business exchanges, it will help you think of yourself as an equal who is there with a job to do.

Also, consider than with the amount of anxiety that actors naturally feel, agents & CDs tend to have to take care of actors a lot. Imagine how enticing it would be to have you take care of THEM for a change? The more control you have in the meeting, the easier it will be for them to relax in YOUR hands.

4) Leave “while the iron is hot”
One of my favorite jokes about quitting early has been, “I want to go out on top, like Seinfeld.” Seinfeld was a classic TV sitcom at the top of its game when the series was ended. This made the buzz and desire for the show hotter than ever. One key component of leaving folks wanting more is if you end the encounter before things get stale, before you both run out of things to say. I’m convinced that some of wonderful first dates that people have do not become second dates may have been because the first date lasted too long. If you spend a large amount of time with someone, you may be thwarting your attempt to get a second meeting. Cutting the time a little short creates a sense of loss, a loss than can only be re-won by them bringing you back again. So, honestly, don’t worry that you only have 5 minutes in that audition room. That’s plenty of time to intrigue someone. This holds true for the amount of time in the room, and also the length of your audition materials. Make them call you back to see the rest of your goods. Trust me – a 2-minute monologue or 32 bar song is plenty of time to show them your stuff, but also short enough to leave ‘em wanting more.

What other dating analogies can you infer from this article? Shoot me an email and let me know your thoughts- I’d love to know ways you have left people wanting more! Or, if you need some support on how to handle any of the above 4 ideas, let me know. Perhaps it just a little pep talk you need, or perhaps your career would benefit from a little bit of coaching. I always offer a free consultation so we can get to know each other and you can see if this kind of coaching would be right for you. I would be honored to be a member of your team.

Have a comment or question? Leave it by clicking below!

Erin Cronican’s career as a professional actor and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has done national tours of plays and musicals. She has worked in the advertising & marketing departments of major corporations, film production companies, theater magazines, and non-profit acting organizations. To learn more, check out http://www.theactorsenterprise.org.

The “You” That Nobody Knows

I was watching one of my favorite TV shows the other day – Shark Tank. (Seriously, all actors should watch this for what to do and NOT to do in the audition room!) The person was trying to raise funds for a product that helps ADD suffers (and others with attention problems) to focus. As he gave his pitch, you could see the inventor try very hard to make the product seem as broad as possible so that even people without ADD could benefit. It made sense – there were already fidget spinners on the market, so he obviously needed to broaden the appeal, right?

Low and behold, there was a bidding war for the product – the investors were lobbying the inventor to LET them invest. And what was it that made them interested? Was is the universality of the product or the product’s high sales? NO. As it turned out, one of the investors himself has ADD, and another has a child with special needs. So for them, the investment was personal. And the inventor was lucky, because somehow the investors could see through his “universality” pitch to understand what this product means for those with attention problems.

Most actors behave like that inventor – take what makes our product unique and special and hide that so that we appear to be more competitive with other actors. We want to fit in and not stand out, even though intellectually we understand that in order to be noticed we need to be different. But our hearts fight against our brains and compel us to play small.

The truth is, we’ll never know what will help our work resonate with our own investors – the casting directors, agents, and producers we’re trying to woo. What if your unique take on a role inspires something personal in the audition room, but you dial it back and they never get to see it? Can you imagine all of the missed opportunities?

I encourage you to bring your best funky, weird, a little too neurotic, intense self to your work, and balance with professionalism, ease, and confidence. The balance is key to help people understand the person and actor that you are. To end this, I’ll leave you with two of my favorite quotes on the subject:

“Be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” – Judy Garland

“Bring so much of your authentic self to the table that you can say, ‘If they want someone like me, I nailed it.’” – Erin Cronican

Did you like this advice? Great news! I’ve debuted my brand new DIY Course “Mastering the Art of Relationships” which includes video and worksheets designed to help you dive deeply into your communications to make networking easy, painless, and fun. Sign up for the course here: courses.theactorsenterprise.org

Have a comment or question? Leave it by clicking below!

Erin Cronican’s career as a professional actor and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has done national tours of plays and musicals. She has worked in the advertising & marketing departments of major corporations, film production companies, theater magazines, and non-profit acting organizations. She is the Founder/Coach of The Actors’ Enterprise, co-founder and Managing Director of The Seeing Place Theater, and writes an “Experts” column for Backstage. To learn more, check out www.TheActorsEnterprise.org and find her on Twitter @ErinCronican.

Feel Adrift? Create Your Personal Mission.

I’ve worked with hundreds of actors as a career coach, and one similarity keeps popping up no matter how much experience, training, or passion each actor has. They all feel adrift in some way and need something to get them back on track and keep tethered.

The difficulty occurs when attentions are split between ones acting career and the family, friends, day jobs, health/wellness, and hobbies that are also calling their attention. It’s especially difficult when trying to figure out when and how to say, “No” when feeling overwhelmed.

I imagine more than a few of you are nodding your heads in recognition!

More often than not, the advice I give to actors in this situation is to: Create Your Personal Mission.

Your personal mission is an agreement you have with yourself that governs the kind of life you want to lead. Which activities will give your days meaning and which can you let go of? How do you know which projects to embrace and which to decline? And how can you balance all of the good things that come your way?

Creating a personal mission is similar to the missions created by non profit organizations. It’s a simple statement that outlines what matters to you, and it is the central theme that governs the things you do. The good news is that your personal mission has probably already been set – you just have to uncover it and bring it to the forefront.

I’ll give you an example from my life.

I took an afternoon and wrote down all of the things I did in my daily life – coaching actors, producing with an actor-driven ensemble, being a mediator in my family, being on the board of a singer’s open mic, being a connective resource for friends in need, and acting in professional theater (to name a few.) I then took a moment to write down all of the things that those activities had in common, and I split them into two categories: Things that give me energy, and things that take energy away. I then looked at what gave me energy and I started to see a pattern – this is the basis for what my personal mission ended up being.

I noticed that most everything that gave me energy involved empowerment, and it involved bringing people together. And everything related to “jobs” were artistic in nature, or creatively based. This helped me craft this mission:

My mission is to inspire and empower as many people as possible, and to live creatively with empathy and love.

Once I had my mission, I could create a plan around how I was going to achieve that mission in my daily life. Each time I am offered some sort of project I hold it up to my mission to see if it fits. Do I feel inspired and empowered? Do I get to create with empathy and love? And does the project allow the same for others? If my answer is no, this tells me that it might not be the right project for me.

This doesn’t mean that I can’t choose projects because of money or exposure. Far from it! In those cases I ask myself – how will more exposure or more money help me be more creative, inspired and empowered? (I’ll tell you, being able to pay rent easily is VERY empowering!) Again, you take what is being offered and hold it up to your mission, and that will help you to know what action to take.

And we can take that into the day to day things that aren’t project based. Each morning I wake up and ask myself, “What things can I do today that are in line with my mission?” And then I do those things, because… #motivation.

I would love to hear what your personal mission is – take some time today or tomorrow to create it and then leave it in the comments section. It would be wonderful to get to know you, and see how you might be able to inspire others! (See? That’s my mission at work again…)

Erin 🙂

Did you like this advice? Great news! I’ve debuted my brand new DIY Course “Mastering the Art of Relationships” which includes video and worksheets designed to help you dive deeply into your communications to make networking easy, painless, and fun. Sign up for the course here: courses.theactorsenterprise.org

Photo Credit: https://www.kuder.com

Have a comment or question? Leave it by clicking below!

Erin Cronican’s career as a professional actor and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has done national tours of plays and musicals. She has worked in the advertising & marketing departments of major corporations, film production companies, theater magazines, and non-profit acting organizations. She is the Founder/Coach of The Actors’ Enterprise, co-founder and Managing Director of The Seeing Place Theater, and writes an “Experts” column for Backstage. To learn more, check out www.TheActorsEnterprise.org and find her on Twitter @ErinCronican.

Great Podcasts for Actors and others in the Performing Arts

I’ve taken months curating some of the best podcasts in our industry and beyond. Take a look, and if you have suggestions about things to add, please put them in the comments section below!

Note: Some of these podcasts are no longer producing shows, but Player FM has all of their episodes archived.

Interviews

The Actor CEO – The Actor CEO Podcast airs interviews with actors and industry pros to help actors feel more in control of their career by learning how to manage it like a business. Be the boss. Be an Actor CEO.

The Actor’s Diet – In each episode of The Actor’s Diet Podcast, I chat with people in my community – artists and foodies – about their history with eating, body image, and current culinary obsessions.

ATW’s Downstage Center – The American Theatre Wing presents Downstage Center a weekly theatrical interview show, featuring the top artists working in theatre, both on and Off-Broadway and around the country.

The Connect Podcast – This is the moment where a meaningful connection is made. In today’s world of digital overload and human disconnect, we need these simple yet rare moments more than ever. It’s Aaron Calafato’s podcast mission to create these connections with diverse guests through a wide-range of entertaining conversation.

BroadwayCon – BroadwayCon The Podcast brings you through the stage door to be part of the excitement that happens onstage and behind-the-scenes.

Broken Legs – Broken Legs is an evolving project that strives to promote innovative artists and their work while exploring what it means to live a full life. Created by Austin Mitchell.

The Dramatist Guild’s In The Room – The Dramatists Guild of America invites you In the Room with some of the most celebrated playwrights, composers and lyricists in the American theatre discussing craft while sharing their influences and experiences when creating their most celebrated work.

The Ensemblist – The Ensemblist is an inside look at the experience of being a Broadway performer- from the first rehearsal through performing eight shows a week and beyond.

Headset – Headset is the podcast for people who work backstage, where different guests discuss all aspects of technical theatre and share some of their stories.

The Honest Actors – Created and hosted by Jonathan Harden, The podcast launched in September 2015 and after quickly gaining the support of Equity, is now the UK’s #1 acting podcast, recommended to students at RADA, LAMDA and as far afield as New York University.

Inside Acting – Inside Acting is a weekly show dedicated to demystifying the inner and outer game of success in the entertainment industry – for actors, and by actors.

Masters of the Stage – A podcast by the Theater Development Fund and the Stage Directors and Choreographers Workshop Foundation, with interviews of directors and choreographers

Maxamoo – A roundtable podcast about theater and performance in New York City

Nothing Shines Like Dirt – Elise Sievert & Lesley Shannon invite you to be a fly on the wall while they jump head first into unpredictable dialogue about creating your own work with guest artists in the entertainment industry. They will slide into conversations about work, creativity, and the art of storytelling. And don’t worry, they promise it will be full of playful insights into the little and not so little idiosyncrasy of ​day to day life. Let’s get started empowering and connecting our fellow artists!

Off and On: A NY Theater Podcast – With Playwright Bernardo Cubria – this podcast was named the top Theatre Podcast by American Theatre Magazine.

Off Script – Offscript is the official podcast of American Theatre, containing conversations with critics, playwrights and the editors of AT.

TheaterCast – Run by Nick Cusamano (@edtech4theatre on Twitter), this is a podcast where theatre teachers and professionals share their passion for theatre.

Theater People – Interviews with Tony Winners, Broadway Legends, and Today’s Hottest Theater Stars. Brought to you biweekly by Patrick Hinds and Mike Jensen.

Podcasts outside of New York

KCRW’s Opening The Curtain – Musings on what theatre is – and can be – in Los Angeles.

National Theater, UK – These podcasts provide the latest round-up of events at the National Theatre, featuring interviews with actors, directors and creatives.

Off Stage and On The Air – Off Stage and On The Air focuses on Theatre around the country. We are a lively and funny bunch who love theatre and love to talk about it. We also feature guest from and around the Austin, TX theatre scene (yes, there is LOTS of theatre in Austin).

Stage Talk – A weekly conversation about stage events in the Anchorage metro area with a calendar of events. Hosted by Mark Muro and Kristina Church and broadcast each Friday on KSKA FM 91.1 in Anchorage, Alaska.

Talk Theater Chicago – A weekly podcast about Chicago’s Theatre scene on Chicago’s Premier Theatre Podcast Network – Talk Theatre in Chicago

Reviews, Performances, and Features from Theaters & Production Companies

Broadway Radio – with James Marino and Peter Filichia

Go See A Show – The Off Off Broadway Podcast

Let Me Ascertain You – Let Me Ascertain You is a podcast that investigates vital questions of the present. The show draws from live performances at the premiere nightclub Joe’s Pub, where the Civilians’ artists perform the real words of various ordinary and extraordinary people, proving that truth is indeed stranger and more wonderful than fiction. The show also features original songs, also taken verbatim from interviews, and created by some of the leading musical theater and downtown cabaret talent in New York

Listen with Patty and Emily – Comedy and Opinions from Two Broadway Fans!

NPR – This is a master list of any program tagged with “Theater” in NPR, but there’s also information from the film, comedy and opera worlds.

Off Off Podcast – A podcast celebrating the indie spirit.

Reduced Shakespeare Company – Backstage drama. Touring trauma. Famous Guests. Infamous quests. Literary analysis. No urinalysis. All this and less – on the Reduced Shakespeare Company Podcast.

The Set List – A comprehensive collection of the best cabaret performances in New York City, including the works of Musical Theater composers, classical favorites, and new musical readings.The Set List features live recordings of Off Broadway concerts as well as behind the scenes interviews and conversations with select artists.

Something New – Join award-winning musical theatre writer Joel B. New as he interviews the savviest singers he knows! Each guest brings multiple talents to the theatre industry, from photography to teaching to massage therapy, and their careers as performers have only been enriched by them.

Steppenwolf Theater – STEPPENWOLF THEATRE COMPANY is a Chicago-based international performing arts institution committed to ensemble collaboration and artistic risk through its work with its permanent ensemble, guest artists, partner institutions and the community.

Business/Producing Skills

2AMT – From the people behind 2amtheatre.com comes the 2amt podcast. Sometimes an interview, sometimes a roundtable, 2amt’s first podcast talks about ideas for theater companies at every level, from the tiniest storefront theater to the largest regional theater. Thinking outside the black box.

Access to Anyone – Access to Anyone is the podcast that explores how you can get to know anyone you want to in business and in life using everything from the latest technology to the most time tested principles. Hosts Michael Schein and Michael Roderick cover topics such as the Art of the Ask, how to use online content to make power players clamor to meet you, and the technique of “leveling up”.

Duct Tape Marketing – Interviews with authors, experts and thought leaders sharing business marketing tips, tactics and resources hosted by one America’s leading small business marketing experts. With John Jantsch.

National Arts Marketing Project Radio – NAMPRadio, the official podcast of the National Arts Marketing Project is a monthly 45-minute show covering marketing and technology trends of interest to the field. Each episode also features a special guest artist who is connected to the topic. The shows have featured in-depth discussion on relevant topics such as online ticketing/CRM, CMS websites, Working with the Press, Arts Administration Degrees, and a variety of other topics.

The Producer’s Perspective – Ken Davenport’s popular blog, TheProducersPerspective.com, is now a podcast! On each episode, Tony Award Winning Broadway Producer Ken Davenport interviews a Broadway industry professional to get their perspective on The Great White Way.

Social Media Marketing Happy Hour – The Social Media Marketing Happy Hour Podcast hosted by Dawn Marrs Ortiz & Traci Reuter is designed for the network marketer, small business owner, entrepreneur, mlm professional, mompreneur, wahm, wahd, who is tired of the grind and ready to learn to leverage social media marketing sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and more to get a bigger list, more leads and recruit and sell more products. Each episode is 15 minutes long, 5 days per week, jam packed with success tips & nuggets to help you succeed in your entrepreneurial journey.

Theatre Geeks – Theatre Geeks is a podcast and website focused on community theatre, featuring episodes and articles on acting, directing, technical and business issues, as well as other news and feature topics. Whether you call it community theatre, amateur theatre, or amdram, we’ve got it covered.

Unmarketing’s Unpodcast – Experts are constantly telling us what we need to be doing to improve our businesses. “TheUnPodcast” tells you what not to do first, so we can discuss what you really need to do to succeed in the new world of business marketing. Easy to digest, easy to avoid. Includes real-life examples along with tips and guidance on experts, human resources, marketing/branding, networking (in person and online), public relations, and customer service.

Inspiration, Culture & Comedy

Coaches Corner – On Coaches’ Corner, Coach Andrew has a conversation with leaders from the worlds of business and personal coaching, transformation and personal development who touch, move and inspire people to action in their lives. Listeners who participate during the live show will have an opportunity to ask 1questions of his guests.

Freakonomics Radio – Host Stephen Dubner has surprising conversations that explore the riddles of everyday life and the weird wrinkles of human nature—from cheating and crime to parenting and sports. Dubner talks with Nobel laureates and provocateurs, social scientists and entrepreneurs — and his Freakonomics co-author Steve Levitt.

Happier with Gretchen Rubin – Gretchen Rubin is HAPPIER, and she wants you to be happier too. The #1 bestselling author of The Happiness Project and Better Than Before gets more personal than ever as she brings her practical, manageable advice about happiness and good habits to this lively, thought-provoking podcast. Gretchen’s cohost and guinea pig is her younger sister, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in Los Angeles, who (lovingly) refers to Gretchen as her happiness bully.

Here’s the Thing – Here’s The Thing is a series of intimate and honest conversations hosted by Alec Baldwin. Alec talks with artists, policy makers and performers – to hear their stories, what inspires their creations, what decisions changed their careers, and what relationships influenced their work. Produced by WNYC Studios.

The Jillian Michaels Show – Jillian Michaels, America’s Health and Wellness guru, brings you the Jillian Michaels Show. An entertaining, inspirational, informative show that gives you tools to find health and happiness in all areas of your life.

Louder Than Words – Louder Than Words delivers the creative inspiration you need to be a more successful entrepreneur, writer, designer, or creator in general. Every week I sit down with a special guest to provide a glimpse into the lives and creative process of the most remarkable people you know.

Ronna and Beverly – A comedy series about fictitious authors Ronna Glickman & Beverly Ginsberg who write books like “You’ll Do A Little Better Next Time: A Guide to Marriage and Re-marriage for Jewish Singles” (“It says Jewish in the name — but it’s for everyone!”). These outspoken fiftysomethings from Boston, who can be seen regularly at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in LA, dispense their unique brand of relationship advice while interviewing/interrogating celebrity guests.

Slate Culture Gab Fest – Listen to Slate’s critics Stephen Metcalf, Dana Stevens, and Julia Turner, plus their guests, discuss what’s happening in movies, books, TV, and more.

Ted Talks (Audio) – Here is a complete list of audio Ted Talks, in every subject imaginable

This American Life – This American Life is a weekly public radio show, with a different theme to each episode and a variety of stories on that theme. From their website: “Most of the stories are journalism, with an occasional comedy routine or essay. There’s lots more to the show, but it’s sort of hard to describe. Probably the best way to understand the show is to start at our favorites page, though we do have longer guides to our radio show and our TV show. If you want to dive into the hundreds of episodes we’ve done over the years, there’s an archive of all our old radio shows and listings for all our TV episodes, too.”

Two Dope Queens – Join the 2 Dope Queens, Phoebe Robinson and Jessica Williams, along with their favorite comedians, for stories about sex, romance, race, hair journeys, living in New York, and Billy Joel. Plus a whole bunch of other s**t. Produced by WNYC Studios.

WTF – Marc Maron is tackling the most complex philosophical question of our day – WTF? He’ll get to the bottom of it with help from comedian friends, celebrity guests and the voices in his own head.

Get my brand new online course, Mastering the Art of Relationships, and others at courses.theactorenterprise.org

Have a comment or question? Leave it by clicking below!

Erin Cronican’s career as a professional actor and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has done national tours of plays and musicals. She has worked in the advertising & marketing departments of major corporations, film production companies, theater magazines, and non-profit acting organizations. She is the Founder/Coach of The Actors’ Enterprise, co-founder and Managing Director of The Seeing Place Theater, and writes an “Experts” column for Backstage. To learn more, check out www.TheActorsEnterprise.org and find her on Twitter @ErinCronican.